For months I’ve been trying to find something worthwhile to write about. I’ve sat down and tried to force something… nada. I’ve asked good ol’ Jesus to give me something… nada. I’ve thought about blogging certain events with friends… oops no pics! But FINALLY the day has come where I’ve deemed something interesting enough to write about…

My grocery store visit today.

Ahh Good ol’ Shaws, oh how you love to rip-off consumers. You can keep your $6 boxes of cereal, and $10 bags of 2 oz frozen chicken. Seriously, ridic… Anywho, I have to start off by saying how much I hate loly-gagging in the grocery store. I love to grocery shop, and I love food. But PUH-LEASE people don’t get in the way of my cart. I want to get in, and get out.

And so the story begins as quite the normal store visit. I walked in through the door on the left side, because to this day I still do not understand why Shaws’ automatic doors are on the wrong side. We are not in England, we are in America Shaws! For realz. Anywho, I got my cart from a cute little old lady, and proceeded to walk towards the fruit and veggie section. Everything seemed to go as usual. I looked at all the tomatoes… Do I want cherry tomatoes, or Roma tomatoes? I decided on cherry tomatoes. Then, I walked over to the spinach section. After picking up my little bag of spinach for the rip-off price of $5.99, I decided I wanted the roma tomoatoes instead of the cherry. So, I walked back over… Still, everything seemed to be going as usual.

I have to say, I’ve picked up on a trend while grocery shopping. The closer you get to the freezer aisle, the more awkward encounters you have. As I began to walk towards the cereal aisle I came upon a woman with 4 children. I began to get annoyed with this lady screaming at her 4 wild kids. They were grabbing chocolate milk off the shelves and running around. Instead of actually discipling her children, she just screamed while walking AWAY from them, so half the store could hear her. Not only does the screaming & lack of discipline annoy me, but the food selections for her children. Soda, french fries, potato chips, ice cream, and the other countless unhealthy foods that she was about to feed her children, spilled from her cart. This lady began to seriously annoy me. I have to admit I did make slight judgments about this woman, and decided that I should probably repent from them. And Especially about the judgments I made of her reaching for the fruity-dinobytes for her kids… not only did I grab fruity-dinobytes, I also was purchasing Choco-dynobytes for my hubby. Ohhh snap!

So, I moved on to the next aisle. All I wanted was ONE can of black beans. Just one. It would only take me less than a second to grab that can… with out the guy standing directly in the middle of the aisle reading. So I snuck up and moved my cart to the side. Couldn’t get by him… then, I try the other side. Still couldn’t get by him. I say, “Excuse me Sir” THIS MAN STILL DOES NOT MOVE. Really? REALLY? Is this guy for real? Finally I inch my way by him, with the side of my cart sliding against his butt. AND I just have to say, this man still does not move. And like my previous estimate, I was correct. It took me .5 seconds to grab my black beans and walk towards the dairy aisle…

As I am walking I see a rather large woman in the distance. I get closer and realize that this woman has not always been a woman… she is now a man. Adams apple, 5 o’clock shadow, wig, heels and all. I think anyone and everyone in that store who passed by this woman… or man(?) could tell that he, had turned into a she. Oh wait, I lied, one man did not realize this. As I am walking past this he/she, I hear this old man dancing while walking with his cart and singing old Frank Sinatra songs. Suddenly I hear the singing stop. He begins talking in a very loud voice and asks the transvtite when her baby was due. At this point I am just thinking, Oh my word this is not really happening? It’s bad enough to ask a woman who is not really pregnant when she is due, but a large man/woman!

So, I proceed to get my yummy soy milk. The singing begins again. It’s getting closer, and louder. I stop. This man gets down on one knee to start sarenading me with Frank Sinatra. He asks, “Do you like the song?” I say, It’s beautiful!” I mean, what was I supposed to say? No? I could not crush this older mans heart who just asked if a transvestite was prego and say I did not like his song. He then, gets up off his knee, kisses my cheek, takes my hand, kisses it and says, “OH, YOU ARE MARRIED! I was married once, but I would always tell my wife she was quite religious because she would never have sex with me!” Everyone in the aisle turns to look as this man, still holding my hand. He goes on to sing and dance around me. He stops again and begins to ask me questions about my life and talks about his family… and wife again. I really did not want all this info. After what seems like hours, (quite the exaggeration, but seriously it felt like foreverrrr) I find an escape and bolt away.

At this point I’ve had enough. I am done with Shaws. I am done with grocery shopping. I do not care if I don’t have all my items. Please cash me out, yes I’ll take plastic, and I’m out of there.

But not before getting stuck behind the wild children and screaming mother. I am now right behind them, and cannot seem to get around these children. They keep stopping, the mother keeps screaming, and I am not exaggerating when I say it took me a good 10 minutes to get to the checkout aisle.

Finally, I get there. I am on the home stretch!! I am PUMPED!! I go to slide my debit card… and text my hubby saying, I’ve just had the most bizarre experience at the grocery store. And that I am still in shock. Then it happens…The singing begins. I hear the same man 3 check-out aisles away start to yell to me. Miss, miss! Hello there again! It took all I could do to keep from bursting out laughing. But I just simply said, Have a great day and got out of that store as fast as I could.

Just had to share my little story with y’all! And considering the last time I was at Shaws I witnessed a drug bust… Needless to say, It may be awhile before I enter that place again. Hope everyone is having a great day!