45 days until Mr. & Mrs. Ethan James Bennett! Craziness! Good craziness! Last night I took Ethan’s wedding band to get engraved. Of course, I ended up telling him where I was going, and he played the guessing game of which scripture I was using. And then of course, I ruined the surprise and ended up telling him. I stink at surprises. I guess that’s something my sis and I have in common, considering she blabbed the Bachelorette party surprise too! ha.

Anywho, I am obsessed with Song of Songs lately… my new favorite scripture is Song of Songs 3:15… “Do not arouse, or awaken love until is so desires.” Which is definitely not what I had engraved on his ring… (haha, how ridiculous would that be?) Regardless, it fits true to my life in so many aspects. Definitely in the past, certainly now in the present, and I’m sure I’ll probably continue to struggle in the future, until God works it out of me. I have this tendency of rushing into things out of excitement, or in the hype of my emotions…way before I really should, or if I really should at all.

A few weeks ago I was reading SOS and this verse really stuck out. God kept bringing me back to this verse in many ways. Through people, and other scriptures, and even having it randomly show up on my online bible that I rarely use. For a second I had a minor freak-out, wondering if God was trying to tell me I rushed into marriage with Ethan. It’s no secret that we met, fell in love, and got engaged rather quickly… or I should say rather quickly according to the world’s eyes. And honestly, until that scripture came up, I had no doubts, hesitations, or contradicting thoughts, other than this was totally 100% God’s will for the both of us.

My first and only priority in my life, is following God’s plan and purpose. So naturally as this verse kept popping up, all I could think was, oh my goodness, I’ve been totally blind the past 7 months. My father was right, some of my friends were right, that freaking weird random gym member who always likes to butt into my life, was right.

Well, it turned out that those people were not right. And after a week, or so of praying, pressing in, and being open & transparent with some close friends about my feelings… it turned out that God was in fact not trying to tell me I aroused, or awakened love too soon. In fact, God gave me the concrete, blunt answer I was asking for. God really just never fails to amaze me. The season of questioning, wondering, and asking turned out to be a huge blessing. (although I must admit, I was freaking out) My feelings have been so strong, and without a doubt from the very beginning that this marriage was of God. But without that questioning, and having to outwardly weigh it all out, and make the choice… it left me feeling like I didn’t give our relationship enough time to mature and grow. And I began to doubt God and his plan for my life. God really used this scripture to help me look deep within him, and seek him for my answer… so I could ultimately make the choice and know his blessing was firmly in place. Now, in the future when things get tough, I can look back and know without any hesitations that I did go through that season of questioning. God worked it out, and brought me to the place I felt from the very beginning. God is 100% in our marriage… I am apart of the plan God had for Ethan, and he is part of the plan God had for me, to join us together to become “one flesh.”

One of the many reasons I love the bible is that of course, there is one concrete interpretation of the scriptures. Which is full of history and dated encounters, with Jesus and the Spirit. But I also love the numerous applications of the scriptures, and how God breathed everything into this book that enables us to apply it to our daily lives in so many ways. “Do not arouse or awaken love before it so desires” was actually a reflection of how  I do tend to rush into new seasons, before I am ready, or before God wants to bring me there. I tend to jump into new ideas, or thoughts… not necessarily the way that God desires for me to. I tend to make decisions based on my feelings, or emotions, and not in the stability & peace of that place with the Lord. And I definitely tend to awaken things before I am fully ready to face them. Often times my emotions are so high, that I don’t sit on it, ask the Lord, and move forward on what he wants me to do. The longer I’m a Christian, the more I “think” I know how to handle a situation the way God would want me to, rather than making the decision with God.

However, including God in on every aspect of my life is a crucial part of how to walk in the plan and purpose that God has for me. Who would have thunk-it, you can’t make assumptions about God and his ways. He has to be included in every little detail, every little priority, every concern, or event; big or small.

There are so many things that as Christian’s we feel are hush-hush. We question why we feel, or think certain things, and the enemy waits for these thoughts. I was so embarrassed to admit that I was questioning our engagement. Especially, after all the hype and drama this engagement has brought into my family. I’ve felt like I have to choose between relationships, with family members, or the man I know God intended me to be with. It was an extremely hard place to be in, but with the love and support of the community around me God made my path very clear. My Christian brothers and sisters are truly my family. No matter how many tiffs, or irritations we go through. No matter how many times I question people’s motives, or I think in my head, I would never do it their way… we are family, and I thank God for the community he has placed me in.

In saying all of that, I am super duper PUMPED to marry such an amazing man on July 29th. 45 DAYS!!! I totally did not intend to spill all these things in this blog, I guess it’s from God :-) I was simply trying to state that I had Song of Songs 2:16 engraved on his wedding band… My beloved is mine, and I am his.

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