I heard this song on the way to work this morning, and kept on a-drivin’ past my work to finish listening to it! These lyrics spoke the words right out of my heart. Just what I needed to hear… have a listen!

Hmmm well, I’ve been really struggling with writing lately. I feel like God has turned me into a bouncy-ball. Up, down, all around… maybe into the street at times, dodging a few cars. But I always seem to find my safe, stable place right in the hands of my creator. Dang, what a good analogy… that was all God.

Anywho, I think the word “engaged” explains most of those feelings. Wedding planning, premarital counseling, family dilemma’s, learning how to become “one-flesh”… God really tests you on communication, resolving conflict and commitment during this time. However, throughout all the “bounciness” two things have stayed constant; God and his overwhelming power (a big duh), and my love & respect for Ethan. I feel like lately my blogs have really displayed that “bouncy-ball” analogy. At first, I was thinking, “Well, that’s kind of embarrassing.” And then, last night as I was lying in bed I thought, “why is that embarrassing, Chrissy?” It’s real, it’s truth and it’s completely normal. Some people are just better at hiding the up’s and down’s. What I write is no different than what’s going on in the average Joe’s head… I just write to process and happen to have a blog… which means, it’s all out there. But hey, I am the one always preaching the importance of transparency.

I have been noticing one trend in my blogs lately (which ultimately means it’s the trend in my life) I’ve been writing the word real a lot lately. Not only has God been showing me how REAL he is, but also how we need to get REAL with him. This starts with getting REAL with ourselves, and with others. (I mean that statement in the least Dr. Phil-sounding way as I possibly can)

I wrote a little bit about my relationships with other men in my last blog. The one thing I’d always been extremely fearful of in prior relationships is that my boyfriend would leave me, or cheat on me. The funny thing about that statement is that it never once happened. I would date a guy, usually for 3 months or so, have this extreme feeling that the situation was wrong. Usually, it was from the very beginning, but I would try my best to push past that “feeling” each time. There have been so many people in my life that taught me “feelings” could not be trusted. I ended up wasting 2, 3, mayyyybe 4 months at best, and break-up with the guy. The only reason for the break-up was a simple feeling that it just wasn’t right. I even went off that feeling in the longer relationships that I’ve had. I would get feelings on a situation, or argument. But the other person would make me feel like I was wrong or “crazy” for feeling a certain way, because I was basing my thoughts off of a just a feeling. The joke was ultimately on them, because my feelings almost always ended up being right. And long story short, I would have saved myself a lot of time, energy and tears, had I listened to that original feeling that GOD GAVE ME.

So I have to say this right now, and this is something I am sticking to. You should trust your feelings. God gives you those feelings, those intuitions and if you are “feelings-person” that right there my friend, is how God speaks to you.

In saying that, I’ve always had a strong desire and idea in my head about the man I was going to marry. Some people would have said that standard is not attainable. I say: clearly God put that standard in my head, so apparently it is attainable. I would venture to say a standard is considered a desire of your heart. Ultimately, the desires in your heart is what God longs to give you. So here I am, at the end of almost a 10-year journey on my “serial-dating” and what has God done? He has given me an amazing, Godly man that meet each and every desire of what I wanted in a husband. Almost down to a T… I mean he even has tattoos!! Religious tattoos!!! Sorry, I find that very sexy… Oh my word, God is so good.

Anyways, that was a little off-topic. This is what I mean with getting real with God… because of my serial-dating, it got to the point where I was like, okay God… I’m done. I’m so done with dating, I’m so done with guys. I’m just done, done, done. I went on to tell everyone and their mother, that I don’t want a boyfriend, I like being single… being single is so fun. Was I really done? Of course not. Did I really like being single? No, because that was a desire of my heart. I was a serial-dater, because I’m not going to lie… I did want to find my husband. But what God really wanted first, was for me to get to the point where; 1.) my identity was wrapped up in him 2.) I was honest with myself and what I really wanted out of a relationship and 3.) to stop serial-dating, trust him, trust those feelings, and let go of the control.

It took months and months and months, and then I finally got that word, REAL. God said, “Chrissy, its time to get real with me.” So I cried out… okay God, I am ready! And among many, many other things I had to get REAL about… one was my dating situation. I was tired of dating, I wanted my husband, that was a desire of my heart. He wanted me to stop trying to guard my heart from him, let go, and stop falling into those same patterns and traps of another 3 month waste of time.

Most people don’t know this, but I actually had to set a time period of singleness for myself. I said God okay, you win. I will focus on you… no matter how Godly & attractive a man seems, I will say no during this time. It was awesome, because he definitely did test me in this! But it was so worth the wait and two-weeks before my period of singleness ended… boom, I met my husband. (I did make him wait 2 weeks to ask me out though, haha)

Okay, I will admit God doesn’t always work out way. But I really do think it’s a great example on why we need to go to God with our real desires. We need to stop basing our desires off of what society says we should have, the desires other Christians have, or the desires your family has for you. God really does place those things in your heart for a reason. And it’s not so we can just sit here and think…  Gosh, I love to do this. But gee-whiz, I just will never be good enough. I don’t have the education for that, or talent for that. Well, go out there, get the education, find someone who can help you grow into a talent and freaking do it. God will meet you there, but you have to be REAL with him.

Shakespeare says it best…

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

So in saying all of this… Be TRUE, be REAL, and God will so meet your right there and BLESS you immensely for it.

I’m super excited to marry Ethan! We just had our engagement photo’s taken by Juliet Elizabeth Photography (check out her link on the side of my page) This was such a blessing, because I’ve admired her photo’s for awhile. Always thinking, I really want her style of photography for my wedding someday. However, I never thought I’d actually get her! This whole set-up was God… even the fact she was open for our wedding date on such short notice. That STILL blows my mind. God has just blessed me so much and not only is she documenting our wedding, but I’ve gotten to know her thru writing back and forth too. She is the sweetest, most humble person. I could seriously go on and on! Anyways, Ethan and I went to Charleston a few weeks ago to have our engagement photo’s taken. Have a looksie!…


(sorry about the link… as always. Just go old school and copy & paste!)