I have a short little story for y’all. God just really cracks me up sometimes. I was going through what Ethan’s dad calls it, “gift envy.” Thinking why can’t I have all these crazy cool God experiences? Why can’t I have dreams from God, why can’t I be this passionate amazing speaker, have these prophetic visions, be this amazing intercessor?  I think Ethan was getting really annoyed at these complaints. He gave me this look that pretty much said it all, “Chrissy stop complaining and just freaking pray about it.” Or maybe that was God’s voice because that’s how he speaks to me. Anywho, regardless I started praying about it… and well now I really don’t want it. I went from never remembering my dreams to waking up every night with bad dreams. Then, the other night right as I was about to fall asleep this image of a man in a black hood came to me. And when he went to take off his hood, it was just this skeletons face. So I freaked out of course. Turned the lights on and started praying. A few minutes later I decided to try and go back to sleep. Turned the lights off, closed my eyes and that same vision appeared again. So I started praying again… Okay God, maybe I should have specified here. I want you to intercede, skip the scary visions, the scary dreams and jump to the ones that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

We always want what we don’t have. Then, often times when we get it, we don’t want it anymore. Funny how God knows whats best for us, what we can handle, what we would exploit, what we would appreciate, the right time to reveal himself, the right time to intercede, ect. I don’t know why I really thought I would want visions or dreams. I am the biggest scardy-cat EVER. I don’t watch horror movies, I still remember certain cases from Unsolved Mystery episodes. Yessss, that show from the 90’s and yes, I remember them because they freaked me out THAT much. Oh and because I’ve watched way too many 48 Hours Mystery, my biggest fear is getting beaten up, stuffed in a trunk and killed. Also, on a side note here… I’ll never forget the look on Ethan’s face when I told him that was my biggest fear- HYSTERICAL. But in all seriousness, I really, really, really do mean it. I freak out, I cry… actually I don’t just cry, I ball. Therefore, the proof is in the pudding, I am in fact a wimp.

In saying all of that,  I have to ask myself a question… Chrissy, do you really think you could handle a vision or dreams? That’s a laugh and a half. So, this morning I realized I am so perfectly content with what God has given me for my spiritual gifts. I will continue to pray for wisdom, discernment and for him to reveal what he wants to reveal to me. I will pray for what I can handle, what I could make of use for his kingdom and what will help other people. Thank you Jesus, for the gifts you have given me, for the gifts I still do not know about. And in YOUR timing, I know you will continue to reveal them to me.

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