I’m learning super fast that you can run, but when God wants to bring something to your attention… you cannot hide. So I’m going to say this once and admit to something that I would totally like to deny; I AM A COMMITMENT PHOEBE.

The thought of having to commit to something, someone, or some event just freaks me out. I’m a procrastinator; last minute and spontaneous with most decisions. I buy my plane tickets right down to the wire… just in case I change my mind and want to go somewhere else. This is also why my mom jokes about my “3 month rule” with guys, or why I cannot commit to the simplest plans if someone asks me on Monday to do something for Friday. I’ll let you know Thursday… night ;)  I have a hard time finishing a book, unless it’s amazingly good at holding my attention… and when it comes to committing to live somewhere for a certain amount of time, that’s just an anxiety attack waiting to happen.

I’m not really making myself look too good here, but honestly I never really realized this pattern until about 9 hours ago. The major reason I decided to move back to Maine was because my program at Charleston Southern University was going to take me 2 years vs. 1 year at the University of Maine. Logically it made sense to come back to Maine; it was cheaper and I could finish quicker. However, in the back of my head I was freaking scared to commit to staying in Charleston for 2 years. I figured great, I’ll go back to Maine and in the Spring I can wander off to wherever my little heart desires; Colorado or Arkansas seemed like the perfect next move.

So, imagine the heart attack I had today when I heard that they changed the requirements of when you had to take the Praxis teaching exam. Before, for my program you just had to take it before your student teaching. Now, you have to take the Praxis exam before you can take ANY of your teaching classes. To make a long boring story short… if I wanted to keep my teaching concentration it was going to take me 2 years to complete and if I wanted to drop the teaching concentration I can graduate in a year. So do I complete the program I really want to do and commit to Maine for 2 years or do I just settle and graduate so I have the option to run off to wherever? Oh decisions, decisions.

My first thought; definitely graduate in a year and get the H-E double hockey sticks outta Maine ASAP. Luckily, I have Jesus on my side to knock some common sense into me, because he truly began to convict me about the whole situation. Yesterday I started reading, No Wonder They Call Him the Savior, by Max Lucado. (Which I will finish!) Anywho… so glad I started reading this book because today I stumbled upon the Chapter called, “It is Finished.” Lucado was discussing how our human tendency is to quit too soon, to stop before we cross the finish line and our inability to finish what we start… even in the smallest of things.

He gives examples of;

–          a partially mowed lawn

–          letters wrote, but never sent (guilty)

–          an abandoned diet (so guilty)

–          a car up on blocks

Then he shows how these small unfinished tasks show up in painful areas;

–          An abandoned child

–          A cold faith

–          A job hopper

–          A wrecked marriage

–          An unevangelized world

Could you imagine the world we would live in if Jesus did quit? Half-way through his crucifixion he showed that he was God to get out of the pain and torture. Where would we all be today? How different and life-shattering would our world be without Jesus following through? Praise the Lord that Jesus did not quit. Lucado writes, “Did he ever want to quit? You bet. That’s why his words are so splendid… it’s Finished.”

I truly believe that a healthy relationship with God consists of being able to be content and satisfied no matter where you are or who you are with. Thank the Lord that God does not give up on us. He continues to peruse and bring new things to our attention, daily.  So, I am doing it! I’m COMMITTING to Maine for 2 years. I’m not allowed to run away if it gets hard or lonely, because I know at many points it will… I’m striving towards finding that contentment only in my relationship with God. Not the momentary thrill of something new. I’m such a lucky, lucky girl to continuously experience the love of Christ…  on a complete random side note I just need to say how much I love my life, friends and family :) It’s sooo good to be home!

And the water is rising quick,

And for years I was scared of it.

You can’t be sure when it will subside.

So I won’t leave your side, no I can’t leave your side.

-Needtobreathe

Advertisements