It’s official… out with the old, in with the new! I finished moving in with Sarah and Donald, which is such a HUGE blessing that I am able to stay with them for my last few months here in Charleston. I love everything about living here, except for one thing. I wouldn’t call it a negative aspect, but Sarah LOVES to cook and bake. She always has the best goodies around and because I have absolutely NO self-control whatsoever I’m always helping myself to them. Tonight, when I walked in the door from having the stair-master kick my butt, she told me there was extra cookie dough in the fridge if I wanted any. I promised myself I wouldn’t even look at it… so I made myself a nice healthy salad for dinner, recorded The Hills and The City on the DVR and proceeded to watch my daily episode of House Hunters. It didn’t take long for my mind to drift to the cookie dough and ice cream… so of course I ended up eating half a container of raw cookie dough. I found out there’s a reason why that store bought stuff has a label that says not to consume it raw.

Anyways, I felt so sick and decided I had to do some sort of exercise. When I first moved to Charleston all I did was walk the bridge. I don’t know why I stopped… my apartment wasn’t that much farther than Sarah and Donald’s but for some reason the extra 3 or 4 stop lights seemed like a hassle.

It’s so funny how everything does come full-circle. Staying in the same bed reminds me of when I first moved here and the beginning of my relationship with the Lord. I was so confused about what a relationship with God looked like and would stay up till 3am just flipping through the bible trying to soak in every bit I could. I used to walk the bridge at night and just pray the whole time. Tonight, I was able to do the same thing. I forgot how much I loved walking at night… it’s so quiet in comparison to the hustle and bustle during the day and the lights reflecting off the bridge into the water literally takes your breath away. There’s always that slight breeze at night also, the one that makes you feel like it’s just you and God. I know it sounds dorky, but I always stop at the top where the little benches are, close my eyes and wait for a breeze. When I get those goose bumps I just think that’s God’s way of wrapping his arms around me, letting me know I can trust him.

At our bible study on Sunday, we were talking about the different personalities in each person. Some have a hard candy shell on the outside, while others just have that warm welcoming, tender way about them. Some see the world through rose tinted glasses, while for others it’s a constant struggle to see all the positive things occurring in their life. Although, I would like to lie and say I’m a girl who wears those rose tinted glasses, I am not. I’m learning that someone could do 5 amazing, positive things right in a row and then the smallest negative thing would be the only thing on my mind. Giving others the same grace God gives to me everyday is such a struggle for me.  I’m sure Donald Miller would say this view on life is due to my absentee father. And although I would love to blame it on him, I would not be showing my father the grace he deserves. Bummer, it’s so much easier blaming things on other people.  :P

The one thing that has really opened my eyes this past month is just how lucky I am to have that trust in the Lord. Lately, I’ve been praying for God to allow me to seethe positive, rather than the negative. I really believe he’s worked on my heart and allowed me to just be thankful for the small things. I’m so thankful for my relationship with him and that I truly know that whatever happens in my life, I have someone to lean on and someone that won’t let me down.

Today, I was thinking about how sad it is to go through life not realizing each and every event in our life has a purpose behind it… that we all have a purpose. I was thinking about how devastating it must be to even go through a break-up as an unbeliever. No wonder why people jump from relationship to relationship. As believers we know we can’t trust our own emotions and that even though we may momentarily feel a certain way… it will only last a short time. That ultimately, God knows what is best for us even though in the moment it hurts. But when you don’t have that trust, when you don’t have that faith… you want to keep grasping for anything to make those feelings go away. And that’s what your life consists of. High’s and low’s of emotions that you are always trying to make stable. Then, slowly sin starts taking over because it’s the only thing that can give you that instant gratification and the only thing that’s able to give you that instant momentary joy. When I think about this, I just realize how much grace we should be giving to everyone. To realize how lucky we really are as a body of believers. When I sit here and complain that I’m broke, or feeling insecure about not having a college degree at 23… I need to divert my thoughts to how lucky I am.  I walk with faith and trust… which is the only thing that will stay stable and constant in my life. That gives me way more security than money or a piece of paper could ever give me. I’m a freaking lucky girl… and very thankful. Lord, thank you for all you have given me… it doesn’t go unnoticed. :)

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